GODFATHER

Happy birthday to the man my parents chose to provide wisdom, moral guidance and a shining example of how to live a respectable life. Clearly, they panicked and selected the funniest person in the room. Instead of spiritual guidance, you supplied sarcasm, inappropriate jokes and several pieces of advice that should probably never be repeated in front of witnesses. You’re less of a moral compass and more of a faulty satnav: confident, entertaining and occasionally responsible for everyone ending up somewhere deeply questionable. Still, you’ve always looked out for me, made me laugh and been there whenever it genuinely mattered. You may be an appalling influence, but you’re a brilliant Godfather. Happy birthday x