HUSBAND – REMOTE & HOUSEWORK

Happy birthday to the man who promised to share his life with me and has spent our marriage sharing his opinions, body heat and an impressive collection of half-finished jobs. You treat the bathroom floor as a wardrobe, the open fridge as a thinking booth and the television remote as ancestral property. You can remember a meaningless football statistic from 1996 but not an entire conversation we had yesterday. You suggest inviting people over as if the house cleans itself and food appears through some form of domestic magic. Still, you’re funny, dependable and my favourite person to do absolutely nothing with. You’re not perfect—but neither am I. The difference is that I know where everything is. Love you, Husband x