THE DOG

Happy birthday to the four-legged freeloader who contributes absolutely nothing financially, ignores every instruction and still somehow runs the entire household. You sleep all day, demand food like you haven’t eaten in weeks and require somebody to stand in freezing rain while you inspect the same patch of grass for twenty minutes. You leave hair on everything, steal the best seat and react to the postman like the house is under military attack. Yet one look from those shameless eyes and everything is forgiven. You’re expensive, smelly and completely useless—but also the best mate anyone could ask for. Happy birthday, you magnificent little parasite. Love you x