FROM THE DOG

Happy birthday to the human who buys my food, picks up my shit and still somehow believes they’re in charge. Thank you for the walks, treats and warm bed you continue pretending belongs to you. I know I bark at nothing, steal your seat, stare at you while you’re eating and wake you before the alarm, but that’s because your life clearly needs structure. You call me spoiled. I call it the minimum acceptable standard of care. I haven’t bought you a present because I have no money and absolutely no concept of birthdays. I did consider not licking myself in front of your guests. Considered it. Happy birthday from your favourite member of the family. Love, the dog x