SPECIAL FRIEND 3

Happy birthday to the woman who knows far too much about me to ever be safely removed from my life. You’ve witnessed the bad decisions, emotional voice notes and relationships we both knew were doomed before the first date ended. Whenever I announce a sensible new plan, you support me wholeheartedly for nearly six minutes before reminding me exactly how the previous one finished. You can detect bullshit at fifty paces unless it’s coming from somebody you fancy, in which case further evidence is apparently required. We’ve survived nights out, mornings after and several conversations that could destroy both our reputations. At this point, you’re less of a friend and more of a legally sensitive archive. Love ya. Delete the messages x