YOUNGER SISTER

Happy birthday to my younger sister—the family’s final draft, completed after Mum and Dad had already used me to identify most of their mistakes. You spent our childhood stealing my belongings, copying everything I did and then reporting me whenever the consequences arrived. Being younger meant fewer rules, later bedtimes and parents too exhausted to notice what you were doing. You still behave as though my possessions are communal while yours are protected by international law. Despite all that, you’re funny, loyal and one of the few people who understands precisely how strange our family really is. I’d choose you as a sister all over again. Although, given the choice, I might request a quieter model. Love you, you spoilt little gobshite x