GODMOTHER

Happy birthday to the woman my parents selected to provide wisdom, moral guidance and a shining example of respectable adulthood. Clearly, they panicked and chose the funniest person in the room. Instead of spiritual guidance, you supplied sarcasm, questionable advice and several stories that should never be repeated in front of witnesses. You’re less of a moral compass and more of a faulty satnav: confident, entertaining and occasionally responsible for everyone ending up somewhere deeply questionable. Still, you’ve always looked out for me, made me laugh and appeared whenever it genuinely mattered. You may be an appalling influence, but you’re a brilliant godmother. Love you. Thanks for corrupting me x