WIFE – ONLINE SHOPPING

Happy birthday to the woman who promised to share her life with me and has spent our marriage sharing opinions, cushions and an apparently endless stream of parcels. You describe online shopping as “just looking,” although delivery drivers now know our address, schedule and probably the alarm code. You can find a discount code for something nobody needed, then explain that buying it technically saved us money. Marriage has taught me patience, compromise and the importance of pretending not to notice another package arriving. Still, you make our home warmer, our life funnier and every ordinary day considerably better. If I had to choose again, I’d still choose you—I’d just invest in the delivery company first. Love you, Wife. What have you ordered now? x