PROMOTED TO THE SOFA

At last, a role perfectly matched to your qualifications: sitting down, offering unsolicited advice and asking what's for lunch. Retirement is a big responsibility, but your years of saying you were just resting your eyes have prepared you beautifully. There'll be no annual appraisal, although your household may introduce one if you keep following people round asking what they're doing. Please remember that buying walking shoes doesn't count as going for a walk, and owning a shed doesn't make you head of engineering. Still, there is something lovely about knowing you finally get to choose how your days are spent. Here's to good company, daft plans and all the happiness you've worked so hard to deserve. Roast with love x