THEY HIRED YOU

Congratulations on the new job. Apparently you sat in a room, described yourself as organised and nobody demanded evidence. A remarkable performance from someone whose important documents live in a bag containing a dead battery and three takeaway menus. Enjoy those precious first weeks when everyone thinks you know what you're doing. Nod carefully, learn where the kettle is and don't reveal your full personality until they've ordered your name badge. Soon you'll have new systems to blame, new passwords to forget and a completely fresh audience for that story we've all heard nine times. Joking aside, you worked for this opportunity and we're so proud of you. Go and show them what you're capable of. They're lucky to have you. Roast with love x