IT'S A BOY

Congratulations on your beautiful baby boy, and on being comprehensively outmanoeuvred by someone who cannot locate his own feet. Yesterday you were an adult with opinions, plans and control of the television. Today you're asking permission to finish a sandwich from a tiny gentleman who considers farting a formal announcement. He has no qualifications, contributes nothing towards the mortgage and has already secured round-the-clock catering, a personal laundry service and several people applauding his bowel movements. Frankly, his negotiating skills are exceptional. Yours need work. Enjoy explaining that you're the boss while carrying him round the living room for the forty-seventh time because sitting down has apparently breached his contract. Welcome to the world, little lad. You've landed yourself a family who will love you more than you'll ever know. Roast with love x