Well, This Is Bollocks - For Him

Well, this is a fucking liberty. You were already hard enough to buy a card for without introducing a category nobody wants to browse. I had a perfectly good lifetime of taking the piss out of your clothes planned, and now everyone expects me to find something profound to say. Terrible recruitment decision. What I can offer is lifts, snacks and the same excellent standard of abuse you've always enjoyed. Anyone turning up with a miracle cure from Facebook will be escorted back to their village, where they're presumably missed. You can swear, sulk or talk absolute bollocks; frankly, you've been training for the last one for years. I wish you weren't dealing with this, mate. I love you, you ridiculous bastard, and I'm here. Roast with love x